Thinking of suicide ?

You’re sitting in your room ~ door locked ~ with a pen in your hand and a blank piece of paper in front of you. Your hand is shaking, and the tears begin again - for the third time in the past hour. ‘To my family’ you write at the top of the page, but decide it’s a bad way to begin your letter ~ your suicide letter. You try again, start over ~ again and again, but you don’t know where to begin. No one understands you; no one knows what you’re going through, you’re alone or at least that’s what you think. Nobody would care if you’re alive or not, you mean nothing to nobody.

It’s night, and you slip into bed. ’Goodbye’ you whisper into the darkness. And with that, you take your last breathe and end it all.

No body cares, right? Well you thought wrong. It’s a Tuesday the following morning, and when it’s 7:21, your mother comes and knocks on your door. She doesn’t know you can’t hear her she doesn’t know you’re gone. She knocks a few more times, calling your name to open up. When there is no reply from your side of the door, she opens it and screams. She collapses on the ground while your dad rushes to your room. Your siblings have already left for school. Your very weak mother collects all the energy she’s got which is close to nothing to walk over to your bed. She leans over your dead body, crying, squeezing your hand, screaming. Your dad is trying to stay strong, but the tears escape his eyes; calling 000 or 911 with his left hand while his other one is on your mother’s back. Your mother blames herself. All those times she had said ‘no’ to you, all those times she had screamed at you, and sent you to your room over something stupid. Your father will blame himself for not being there for you when you asked for help, for being away from home at work for long. Nobody cares, right?

8:34. There’s a knock on your classroom door it’s the school principle. She looks more worried than ever. She calls the teacher to the side; all the students worried: what’s going on? The principle then later announces about your suicide. The popular girl that always called you fat and ugly is now blaming herself. The kid that would always copy your homework but treat you like crap ~ he’s blaming himself. The boy that sits behind you ~ the one that always threw things at you during class ~ he’s blaming himself too. The teacher is blaming herself - for all those times she’d scream at you for forgetting your homework, or not listening in class. People are crying, screaming, shocked, in regret of what they did. They’ll all be devastated - even the kids you’ve never talked to before. Still nobody cares about you, right?

Your siblings get home. Your mother has to tell them that you’re gone; forever. Your little sister ~ no matter how many times she’s screamed at you, told you she hated you and stole your stuff ~ always loved you, and saw you as her hero; her role model. She now starts to blame herself; why didn’t I do what she told me to do when she told me to? Why did I take her stuff even when she asked me not to? This is all my fault. Your brother gets home ~ the boy that never cries. He’s now in his room; mad at himself ~ he caused your death. All those times he’d played pranks on you. He’s punching holes in his wall, turning over things; he doesn’t know how to deal with the fact that you’re gone. Forever. Nobody cares about you, right? Right?

It has been over a month. The door to your room has been closed all this time. Everything is different now. Your brother has to be sent to anger management classes, your little sister cries everyday still waiting for you to come back. Everyday she waits for you to come back home. The popular girls have now turned anorexic. They don’t know how to deal with the pain that they’re feeling. Your father has depression; your mother hasn’t slept for nights it’s all her fault. She’s been crying and screaming every night wishing for you to come back. The boy who would always bother you dropped out of school. The boy that copied your homework now cuts. But nobody cares about you, aren’t I right?

Your mother finally decides to go clean out your room. But she can’t do it. She’s locked herself in your room for two days to try to clean up your clothes, your things. But she can’t she can’t say goodbye to you, not yet, not now. Never.

It’s your funeral. It’s a big one ~ everybody comes. No one knows what to say. The beautiful girl with the big smile is gone; you’re somewhere else. No one knows what to say, they’re all still shocked. Everyone cries, everyone misses you. They all wish you’d come back but you don’t, and you won’t.

Still think nobody cares about you? Think again. Even if people don’t show it, they care about you, they love you. If you kill yourself today or any other day you won’t know just how much you meant to people. If you kill yourself today, it stops your pain, but it pains all the ones who know you for the rest of their life. Suicide is the easy way out - but it’s the wrong choice. Life is beautiful. Yes, it does have its ups and downs everyone has their bad days. Sometimes people go through tough times in their lives like you’re probably going through now but bad times come and go. You might not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there. No matter how hard life gets, never give up on yourself, or on your life.

Take a minute now, and think. If you killed yourself ~ how would the people that love you feel/go through? Can’t think of anything? Well I’ll tell you: tears, tears, and more tears. Devastation. Guilt. Pain. Broken. Regret. Miserable.

I hope this changed anyone's life.

I have suddenly forgotten how to swim...

Amèlie va a changer ta vie

Pero lo que no sabía Amèlie, era que ya habían cambiado su vida antes de que ella revolucionase la de los demás. Desde entonces, sueña con tu sonrisa subida a la torre Eiffel, revolcándose en recuerdos como si siguieseis apuntando las fechas importantes en el calendario de la entrada.

Las notas de "je t'aime" y los minutos contados a contrarreloj, la media noche viendo la ciudad iluminada, y los frapuccinos de por la mañana, con crêpes de nata y chocolate.

Nunca llegué a entenderla del todo, pero Amèlie era así. Era ella.

Imaginativa, soñadora, irrealista, inconformista, y preciosa. Eso era lo que le hacía ser ella.

Tenía corazón de pArisina, no cabía duda.

Seguro que te acuerdas de todos los paseos a bufanda compartida que dabais por las calles iluminadas; ella siempre me contaba esa historia como si hubiese pasado ayer. Su favorita.

"París es siempre una buena idea", su frase más preciada. La nostalgia era evidente.

Sus ojos se tiñen de ilusión, de amor, de belleza... Ese brillo especial cuando habla de ti.

Y es que realmente te amaba. 

Y sé que Amèlie cambiará, y dejará de contarme sus cuentos nocturnos, de confesarme lo que se le pasa por la cabeza, pero mientras no me quiten sus bonjour, yo seguiré escuchándola desde mi cama, con nuestras noches en vela, viendo como sus recuerdos hacen vuestra historia.

Never mind.

Que lo obvio es obvio. Que lo blanco es blanco. Que andar solo vale para caerse y caerse para levantarse y de ahí otra vez al suelo. Que si pierdes a alguien es porque ya lo has tenido y si ya no lo tienes es porque no valía la pena. Que en verano hace calor y en invierno, frío. Que comer mucho engorda. Que llegar a lo más alto significa que después vuelves a lo más bajo. Que si llegó de casualidad se fue de casualidad. Que si estas sonriendo es porque has llorado. Que lo imposible es solo poco probable. Que lo bonito no tiene razón de ser. Que eres lo que demuestras. Que el aparentar lo es todo. Que la crítica dirige. Que lo que buscas no lo encuentras. Que cuando realmente decides arriesgar, pierdes,no siempre. ``Que engañarte solo vale para frustrarte´´. Que si quieres, no es seguro que puedas, pero es más probable. Que si intentas volar, te vas a caer, pero siempre estarán las ganas de haberlo intentado. Que el aire esta ahí pero no lo ves. Que el tiempo pasa y tú puedes estar una vida sintiendo lo mismo. Que correr cansa. Que lo mismo aburre. Que lo evidente no permite negación. Que lo perfecto acaba no siéndolo. Que todo se acaba y que ¡¡un final, jamás será feliz.!!! Que si puedes imaginarlo,puedes hacerlo.

Acabaré siendo una persona corrriente si no tengo cuidado

A 8700km de distancia, sigo siendo la misma de siempre. Sigo teniendo los mismos defectos. Vivo cada segundo del dia. Me despierto hiperactiva. Con unas ganas enormes de comerme al dia. Voy al Starbucks dos veces al dia, quizas esta es la razon de mi hiperactividad. Sonrio unas 87689584748  veces al dia. Y me rio por absolutamente todo lo que digas. Me puedes hablar en Ingles, en Frances, en Portugues, en Chino... que hare todo lo posible por entenderte y si no te entiendo lo notaras rapidamente porque empezare a asentir y a sonreirte cual retrasada. Te gritare mientras hablo cual Española que soy. Hare tantas estupideces que te dolera la tripa de reirte. Te aseguro que no vas a estar ni un solo minuto triste si estas a mi lado, y si estas triste hare lo imposible para sacarte una sonrisa. Me enfado por todo sin motivo. hay veces que me duran dos minutos, pero otras veces me duran días. Cuando me doy cuenta, que es una tontería, pido perdón y digo que nunca más volveré a hacerlo, pero los dos sabemos que dentro de una hora, volverá a pasar. Sere incapaz de quedarme callada mas de dos minutos o de no reirme si me cuentan de algo serio. Me volvere loca unas 80 veces en el dia. Te parecere la persona mas borde del mundo. Y si me pillas de mala ostia te puedo dejar sin cuello, pero si me pillas de buenas, aunque no quieras sonreir, sonreiras al ver mi sonrisa. Sigo confundiendo el aburrimiento con el hambre. Hago los deberes el ultimo dia y probablemente no acierte ni una. Odio tener que despertarme pronto. Me da mucha rabia que me hagas callar. Cambio de humor unas 10 veces al dia. Cantare en la ducha y siempre te lo negare. ¿Y sabes que? Me crearon unica y exclusivamente para disfrutar de cada momento y ese, es el objetivo de mi dia a dia.

Nada de media naranja, yo soy la naranja entera!

Nos hicieron creer que cada uno de nosotros es la mitad de una naranja, y que la vida solo tiene sentido cuando encontramos la otra mitad. No nos contaron que ya nacemos enteros, que nadie en nuestra vida merece cargar en las espaldas, la responsabilidad de completar lo que nos falta.